I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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