The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
