Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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