dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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