Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
