also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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