A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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