WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
