Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drake has all the answers
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
