That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
