Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
