I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
