That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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