he shaved USA in his pubs
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
