My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she peed on how many people?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
