I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
