using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
