This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
