I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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