I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
