I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
