So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize