Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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