they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
