Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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