I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
