If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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