Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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