The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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