god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
