sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
