she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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