Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
