Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
