he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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