My nipple is on Facebook.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
