I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
