If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
