How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
