***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
