So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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