you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
