I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
