Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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