you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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