I could make wine with my vomit
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
