too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
