we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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