I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How external is "for external use only"?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
