This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
someone owes me an orgasm
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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