I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
