I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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