he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
