Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
