Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
