hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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