Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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