I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
