Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
