Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
