Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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