It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
