Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
