it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
