Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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