Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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