How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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