Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
