it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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