There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
