So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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