I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
