I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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