you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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