she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize