did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
