Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.