i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
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All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.